


he knows i'd love to see him

by americandy



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: M/M, pre relationship?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2013-08-15
Packaged: 2017-12-23 11:02:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/925605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americandy/pseuds/americandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>thomas is consistently confused by the actions of one jimmy kent</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title from the morrissey song of the same name

when a man is aware that another man has feelings for him, his demeanor changes depending whether or not the feelings are reciprocated. thomas was familiar with the behavior on either side of the coin, disgust and distance or quiet interest and shy smiles.

being well acquainted with the typical reactions associated with such declarations of love was exactly the reason why thomas was so perplexed when it came to the actions of one jimmy kent. 

initially, it appeared jimmy reacted in a tails kind of way, disgust and distance. seeing jimmy's lovely mouth broken into a grimace at the sight of him made thomas's stomach twist into knots. then the incident happened, and thomas emerged bruised, sore, and with jimmy's declaration of friendship. men rarely were so flexible as to look past an unwanted advance, particularly one so bold. thomas supposed his actions (though they were borne from a sick kind of love) may have made him worthy of a second consideration on jimmy's account. their burgeoning friendship was somewhat justifiable.

something thomas couldn't work his head around, justify in a backwards yet believable kind of way, were jimmy's actions at night. thomas was consistently one of the last members of the staff to retire, always smoking cigarettes end to end, looking up at the moon. the first time it happened, thomas had wearily climbed the stairs, too ready to fall asleep, when he'd come across jimmy's room, the door ajar. a candle's glow threw a sliver of light into the hallway. thomas crossed into it and decided to shut jimmy's door -- he'd probably fallen asleep. he grabbed the handle and made to shut the door when he heard, so quietly it was more of a ghost of a whisper than an actual vocalization: "leave it". 

startled, he didn't move. then jimmy spoke hoarsely again. "thomas, come in." wondering if this was a trick or something more cruel, thomas swallowed thickly and decided to play along. the sight he encountered when he opened the door was unreal. 

jimmy sat at his desk, unclothed from the waist up. the candle lent itself to his champagne coloring and he looked as though he were made of gold. his back was beautiful, an expanse of skin marred by nothing except a mole just to the right of the top of his spine. he looked at thomas over his shoulder, pink lips parted, with dark eyes. "i just wanted to say," he began, before pausing to lick his lips, watching the way thomas watched him. "i just wanted to say goodnight." with that he looked away, down at his lap. the notches in his neck that formed where his spine portruded acted like puncuation on a piece of cream paper and thomas wanted more than anything to run a finger down them. 

deciding against it with good reason, thomas stammered out a goodnight to jimmy too, before exiting quickly and shutting the door behind him. he bent down, his hands on his knees, and let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. 

he let himself live in the moment he'd just encountered as he prepared for bed. he imagined jimmy's back in other situations, sweat rolling down his neck with thomas's lips at the mole he'd made note of. 

these were dangerous thoughts to entertain, he told himself. if only he'd have known just how much more precarious his situation would get. if only.


	2. as much as is allowed

at breakfast the next morning, jimmy behaved as expected, chummy in his own haughty way. he made eye contact with thomas while carson was going on about something unimaginably dull. at first, thomas only glanced at him. when jimmy wasn't looking at him anymore, thomas looked again, just in time to see jimmy drag his teeth hard across his bottom lip, leaving it fat and red. thomas's mouth opened slightly, out of sheer desire, so of course jimmy took that moment to look back at him, cheeks flushed and mouth agape. thomas didn't bother to look away from his gaze this time, and he could almost hear jimmy criticizing him for being such a fool.

in the hall, they had a moment alone. 

"what are you on about, jimmy?" thomas asked while running a hand carefully over his hair, making sure everything was in place. jimmy shrugged nonchalantly, saying "i dunno what you mean, mr. barrow." thomas grabbed jimmy by the shoulder. "yes, james, you do." jimmy stared at thomas's hand on his shoulder and felt the heat blossom from underneath his fingertips before wrenching his shoulder away. "i thought my feelings on you touching me were clear, mr. barrrow." 

thomas raised his eyebrows. "i see, james. forgive me for blurring the lines." he packed as much emphasis as he could onto those last three words, attempting to imply jimmy's actions led to these kinds of results.

during his day, thomas spent a whole lot of time wondering why. why is he letting me see him... why is he being so... beautiful for me? is this just how he's always acted and i've been too wrapped up in trying to see myself as he sees me? before the midnight transgression he didn't act this way. thomas had an infinite number of possible reasonings to explore. 

he wondered if he'd imagined the particularly heated energy in the room. if he was only projecting his own desires into jimmy and seeing only what he wanted to. the idea made him sad yet he realized that it wasn't far off from the realm of possibility. thomas had certainly done it before. 

he shouldn't have worried though because after dinner, jimmy asked thomas to play cards with him. in his room. thomas eagerly said yes, because why not put himself in a potentially compromising situation? he would do anything jimmy requested of him and that was one of his greatest faults. 

he followed jimmy up the stairs at arm's length, not wanting to cross any boundaries that he'd previously violated. jimmy opened the door for thomas, who entered quietly, like if he made too much noise he'd wake up from a dream or the police would come or he'd just DIE -- escalating thoughts were his specialty. jimmy closed the door behind thomas and asked if he'd shuffle the deck. 

thomas sat in the desk chair jimmy had occupied and began going about his task, telling him about something stupid daisy had said earlier. when jimmy's laugh sounded muffled, thomas turned around to find him unclothed. again. this time he was face to... chest with jimmy. he had little pink nipples the same color as his mouth and thomas couldn't move as he stared. he moved to run a hand through his own hair, out of bewilderment more than anything else, when jimmy jumped back a foot or two. 

"look, but don't touch." he said in a voice that was supposed to be authoratitive in tone but instead wavered due to his nervousness. thomas was now more mystified than ever; the cards lay wholly forgotten on the desk while he used one hand to cover his lap (just in case) and another as leverage to turn around for a better view. "what on earth are you doing?" 

jimmy looked nervous as he answered, his eyes anywhere but thomas's face. "erm, i, well, i'm showing you."


End file.
